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captureacloud
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Name: captureacloud
Gender: Female
Interests: photography, volunteering, dreaming, writing, reading, learning, computer type stuff
Expertise: i'm an expert in something?
Occupation: i'm a student still
Message: message me
Member Since:
12/30/2008
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| God is amazingSo, it's been awhile.
And things have changed dramatically.
Boy oh boy.
But definitely for the better, you see.
I have officially graduated (huzzah to that!) and even better, I have a boyfriend who likes me for me. Even better, I stopped the whole Galon nonsense. I'm not even talking to him right now, though more out of indifference than spite.
What's more, I've learned to be grateful for what I have, than be sad for what I don't have. I thank God for my blessings, and pray even for my enemies. What's that place in the Gospels about prayer? Something about how praying for your loved ones is great, but you're supposed to do that and you should do more.
Ah, I don't want to brag. I'll stop. But I'm thoroughly enjoying life right now - I received a lot of unexpected gifts for graduation. My parents expect to buy me a film camera before summer is out, and I received a fair amount of money. Plus a number of gift cards, and who doesn't like those? :]
In addition to that, I may possibly be getting a job. How awesome is that, folks?! Earning my wages...and paying taxes...I will be dropping the shields of childhood and welcoming the burdens of responsibility. God's there with me (and I thank Him profusely!).
Still haven't overcome the church part of things - but you can't have everything, I suppose. I'll continue my prayers and reading of the Bible. (My favorite is still the story of Jabez. Look in Chronicles 1). And working on my parents - they are so silly.
College in the fall too - I'm so excited! I can't wait. I received plenty of scholarships and my college is meeting the majority of my financial need. I worked damn hard (God, forgive me) and I graduated with seven scholarships, five cords, two stoles, two pins, and an honors tassel on my cap. I am finally proud of myself.
Because you know what?
I am a child of God, and I mean something. I mean something to my family, and to my friends, and to my boyfriend (who is wonderful, by the way, more on him later). As we said in elementary school, I am Somebody.
Even though I have a temper, and I have a snaggletooth, and I have horrible vision, and can't type correctly (not that you'll know, I proofread/correct) and I speak before I think and often get terribly confused, people love me and respect me. And God loves me, too, and that is the most important of all. I am so, so blessed by Him! I look forward to each day now, it's a wonderful thing. And even though I still struggle with my faith, somewhere deep down I 've realized that a part of me will never, ever let go of God. And that's just super. :]
What about you? How are you faring? Any prayer requests are more than welcome - I have a length prayer list anyway, why not make it longer? :] And 'sides, God's my home boy. I like talking to Him, so drop a line. :]
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| God,Thank You for the prayers and Ancient_scribe's and CM's comments. They really helped.
Because now I understand You have a plan, regardless of my material desires. You know what's going on; I'm just a kid who worries too much.
I want Your will to be done here. The situation has arisen that I pretty much have to make my college decision this week for a variety of reasons (none of which make me too happy, but this is all Your idea) and I'm trying really hard to make sure You're my guide. I want Your will to be done, not mine. You know what's best for me, ultimately. So when I make the official decision, God, I know Your work will be done.
I'm admitting that I am terribly frightened of what's in store, but I am also excited, because You are a loving father who has granted me a talent I wish to put to Your use. Lead me, Lord God. Take me by my hand and steer me in the right direction; without You I am hopelessly lost.
You understand the sticky situation; if I go to my top college, I will be pursuing my passion as well as taking out loans well over ten thousand per year (which my family may not afford); if I go to my second top college, I will be ensured a paid spot, but my photography will be temporarily on hold. Where do I go? My dreams or shall I be pragmatic? I do not wish my younger brother the financial troubles the rest of us sibs suffered through. I want him to live a teenagery life, not the forced poverty we've had. At the same time, how can I miss this golden opportunity? I already blew it once, God. What do I do?
I have faith You will light my way, and whatever shall be is according to Your map. You are my GPS system and I am relying on You because I am in an area I am unfamiliar with.
Thank You, God. I cannot say that enough. Praise be Your name!
In Your name I fearfully and hopefully pray,
Amen.
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| Hey GodFirstly, please forgive me. I forgot you in the busyness of the past two or three weeks. My mind slipped, my mouth used You in vain, and the worst part of all, I sinned and didn't ask forgiveness.
Well, I'm begging for forgiveness now.
Secondly, my heart hurts.
(And my throat and my head, but that's another story.)
Last week I visited the college of my dreams, a four-year intensive photography school. I didn't sleep well the night before, which made the open house incredibly exhausting for me, because I had two interviews, one for the honors program and the other for the photography program.
Epic win with the honors college. Beyond epic fail with the photography program.
And my heart is now broken, because this is all I want to do.
God, I know the door isn't closed entirely. If this particular college isn't for me, then where I do go from here? I know my second school doesn't have what I want, but a nearby community tech one does...only that requires driving (which for various circumstances I can't do yet) and the driving requires new glasses (which for various circumstances we can't afford).
Do You see where I'm going with this?
I know I am very fortunate in many cases, but today I feel humiliated, confused, and broken. I feel horrible that I am lower middle class, I am tired of working so hard and achieving nothing (no awards, recognition or anything because teachers feel I don't need it; stupid backwards logic!), I am sick of feeling so unappreciated for the kindness and effort I put into everything. I long for Your presence in my family for support, God, but no one wants to go to church and mom refuses to go if the whole family doesn't go.
All these ridiculous road blocks, God, for no reason.
Is this another?
God, please, please answer me. You're supposed to pick me up when I'm down.
I'm down, and sinking further.
Heal me, guide me, restore me.
With all sorrow, longing, disappointment and tiny drop of hope,
In Your name I pleadingly pray,
Amen.
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| Looking Through the Lens of My Camera:Why I Love Photography
As a writer pens a vignette, so I shoot with a camera. It is the instant beauty of a sunset just before it sinks behind some trees; it is the ridiculous expression on my sister's face before she laughs. These moments I live for and cherish; with a camera, I can capture them and show the world what I think is beautiful and worth recollection.
I have always liked taking pictures, but my ardor for photography did not emerge until my trip to Connecticut before sophomore year of high school. I did not possess any camera at the time, digital or disposable, but by divine intervention, my Aunt K did. It was fortuitous, because the scenery around my Aunt P's house (where I was staying) was remarkable. The second morning I was there, I borrowed Aunt K's camera and ventured outside just after the sun had fully risen. It was bright and breezy, and I remember the satisfactory feeling of taking what I thought was a pretty or interesting picture of the pond and trees. After shooting approximately twenty pictures, it occurred to me that I truly enjoyed doing this. Feeling proud, I displayed my pictures to my family, all members encouraging me to take more.
After I finished my ‘exhibition’, my cousins then paraded their pictures of volcanoes in the Hawaiian Islands. Slumped in the wooden chair in the kitchen, staring at the photo of some striking lava pools, the desire for photography deeply embedded itself into my heart. I wanted to go places that I have never been, to experience everything of the world, not only for my benefit, but also for humankind. Seeing the enraptured faces of my family - and my own in a windowpane - furthered my desire.
As I matured, this sensation has only intensified. I long to share excitement, joy, sorrow, every emotion in the spectrum of life; what I see I also want my loved ones to see. This craving for sharing fuels my desire to travel; I want to know the world to share it. Climbing fifty feet up a rocky ledge would not bother me in the slightest if people gasped in awe at the resulting picture. I am also a very social person; I love to observe and talk to people. Even more, I love the challenge of clicking the button at exactly the right second to demonstrate a funny face or couple's love for each other. I fully believe that images work so much better than words, because people can understand intentions far better in a thousand pixels than a thousand words. They are how I process information and how I express myself.
These yearnings - to show that in our despairing age there are virtues remaining; to encapsulate people's inherent nature; overcome physical obstacles - are all part of my passion for photography. These are part of why I aspire to go into photojournalism - I get an adrenaline high from shooting events, and traveling to do my job would be even more exciting. Artistic photography would allow me the same freedoms in a different way; I think differently than most people, so with my photographs I would attempt to express a certain emotion or message in an innovative fashion. I have not had training in this however, but it is something I genuinely look forward to learning about and achieving.
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On another note, I removed pictures from two memory cards into one folder on my desktop. There are 1,007 items.
:D
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| something I noticedGod is amazing.
God? Is amazing.
God is! Amazing.
:)
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